Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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