the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
