we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
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There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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