There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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