I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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