Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
