i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
