i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
