yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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