in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
