i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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