Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
