I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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