What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
