She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
