The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
