we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
