the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
