I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
