it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
