I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
