i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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