Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
