is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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