One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
