I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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