he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
