So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
