Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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