if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
