Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
