It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
