i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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