i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
