my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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