Small penises have feelings too.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
