Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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