this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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