I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
