hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize