i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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