What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
