If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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