Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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