I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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