He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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