i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
