weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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