She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
