is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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