4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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