i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
