I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
