Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
