marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
