That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
