We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
