addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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