dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
