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you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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