Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
