did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
