I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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