she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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