Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have fence marks all over my body
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
