So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
