Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize