yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
