Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
