this beer tastes like vomit already
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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