Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
